Transparently Opaque

by the flux

Eyes wide open staring into space. I cannot see anything, blinded by the constant stream of nonsensical thoughts. The incessant white noise, barraging my mind. Thumping, thumping. Clawing on the walls of my chalkboard skull. My eyes strain even more to see, to not see. To have clarity, to know nothing. I breathe for it to be quiet. Please be quiet. Breathe deep. Silence please. Silence now. Silence with eyes wide open. Frozen in a moment in time where past and future do not touch me. Is this voluntary or am I pushed to the edge of sanity? Frozen on my own volition or am I paralyzed by thoughts. But at least there is silence. Silence even for a little while.

But it is just a little while. The little creaks on the edges. The mind it plays tricks again. The walls break, the silence break. White noise come flooding back again. Flooding through, flows of the duality. Duality which sustains my condition. Duality which slowly killing. The past nudges me to recall, to feel the misery again. It says, "Do you remember? You made a mistake. You failed." The present it has nothing to say. It is silent. Then the future continues on, "What do you do now? Where do you go? Consider. Consider. You must consider! Your end will come, you world will crash. Be careful. Please consider." The present again says nothing.

The present, it will never says anything because there is nothing to say. Past speaks of the past what has been and cannot be altered. Future speaks of things to come which may or may not come to pass. Still, the screaming duality has left me here. Immobile and eyes wide open. Void of motion, of action. The present has no voice, I have no voice. It has given up. Have I given up.