Forever and After

I think of the day we lay by the beach and stare at the sea, stretching to the left and right as far as my eye can see. I look at you, stare into your eyes. Even in our old age now, the twinkle in your eye it never fades, and the smile on your face even through all these years, it looks the same. I grab your arm and hold you close. I cannot be happier and do not regret, because I have you. And that is all I need, because I love you.

I recall the day I met you so many years ago now. It was a Thursday afternoon. You had that same smile on your face, sweet and unassuming. You were sitting in the public library at the table across from mine. I dare not speak to you. How weird for me to just walk up to you and speak. You must think I me weird. But I could not take my eyes off you. and continued staring stupidly. Your long black hair smooth as silk pinned on one side. I assure you, if it was any other girl I would just walk up and say something. But you were different, I just could not find the words, they seemed caught in my throat. And wasn't I surprised when you stood up and walked towards me. My heart beating like a jackhammer, my tongue rolled up in my throat. I thought I was going to choke and have a hear attack at the same time. Maybe you were just walking away, why would you notice me. But you did and you sat write next to me and started talking to me. I was so nervous I could hardly remember the words and what we were talking about now. All I remember now is your lovely eyes and smile. I was mesmerized.

It gave me strength. After that afternoon with you in the library, I believed I could do anything and I could stop. For once, I thought I could stop and did not have to find the rush anymore. I truly did. I spent the next 2 days absolutely happy, not another thought in my head. Then I remembered something grievously stupid. I had not taken your number. How am I to ever find you again? My heart sank into my stomach. What now, I met the love of my life and now I shall never see you again. No. This cannot be. I must see you.

And I really did try hard after that. After classes, I would stop by the library every chance I could in hopes you would be there. What did you do? Where did you live? Where did you come from? Why did it not come up in our conversation? Maybe it did, and I just was too nervous then to hear anything. So  I waited. I waited and waited, and I was sure to be there every Thursday afternoon. I did this for 2 month and you were not there.

Then the thoughts, they started coming back again. The urges, I saw it everywhere I went, I could not help it. I tried not to think of it, but every time I did I would start thinking of you. And that hurt even worse. So I resigned myself again to my dark thoughts. The urges, they became too strong. I saw it, smelled it, taste it all around.

Then one night, I was walking home one evening and  it was dark. The street lights seemed very dim. So I barely saw him at first in the alleyway, but then he called up in his drunkenness for money. He wanted more to drink. I just ignored him and he started shouting abuses at me. I continued to walk on. I turned to look back and saw this object flying towards me. I dodged and the object grazed past my arm and crashed a couple of feet in front of me with a crash of broken glass. I looked at my arm. It was bleeding. My heart started racing and I really could take it no longer. I looked at my grazed arm and touched the red liquid trickling out. The blood, oh the blood. Delicious blood. Sweet as sugar but irony too. I couldn't stop. I sucked at my arm. I was gone now in euphoria. I no longer heard the abuses the drunkard was shouting. I walked slowly towards him, so as to not scare him away. Then when I was close enough, I made  for his head and slamming him to the ground. I pulled out my pocket knife and sliced his jugular. Oh the sweet red nectar, it just kept flowing out. I craved it again. I needed it. And the screaming, I loved the scream.  But his scream receded into gurgles after several moments, drowning in his own blood. It made me feel alive again. I drank and drank, to my heart's content. When I stopped, I was satisfied. It was 2 months since my last drink. Then I remembered why I stopped, because of you. And I was sad again. I made my way home after and slept a restless sleep.

Of course there were others after that man in the alley. There was the late night waitress, the old man on the way back from bingo night, the night jogger. Oh, and also the little boy by the river. They were all delicious of course. But every time after drinking I would think of you. No matter how hard I tried, it always came back to you.

So you know how I felt, when I saw you again. Two years later in the cafe around the corner from my apartment then I saw you again. You were sat at a table across from mine with your friends. I thought to myself, there is no more time for nervousness. This was as good a time as any to be brave. I found you again and would not let go of this miracle. I went up to you and said hi. And you looked at me with your intense eyes. For a moment, I stood there silly as you looked me up and down. I opened my mouth trying to speak.  But again, the words escape me. You made it easy, you remembered me. You apologized and said your goodbyes to your friends, grabbed my arm and led me away. We spent the afternoon sitting on the bench by the river talking, then I walked you home. At your door, I remembered to get your number this time. And just before leaving, I looked into your deep brown eyes. I leaned over, our eyes slowly closed and touched your soft warm lips with mine. We kissed for the very first time. And I knew then, you were all I needed from that moment on.

Of course I still think of it from time to time. Oh, the sweetness of the blood. I even remembered once you cut your hand with the kitchen knife. I rushed over and sucked at your thumb and you laughed. Oh, how sweet it was! The sweetest I ever tasted. But even then, no, never again. I would never harm you.

The sun is setting now. Falling under the sea and the redness fills the sky. And I look at you and kiss you. It still feels the same way as the first time I kissed you. I cannot be happier and do not regret, because I have you. And that is all I need, because I love you. Forever and after.